


Mandatory Vacation

by OurLittleSecretOkay



Series: Jacoffle [1]
Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Cliche, Gratuitous Smut, Jacoffel - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:14:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22177630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OurLittleSecretOkay/pseuds/OurLittleSecretOkay
Summary: "And they were trapped in a room together"*Camera pans* "Oh my god, they were trapped in a room together"
Relationships: Doug Eiffel/Daniel Jacobi
Series: Jacoffle [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1633954
Comments: 5
Kudos: 74





	Mandatory Vacation

"So help me God, if you don't stop trying to tunnel your way out using desperation alone, I will-” Jacobi paused. “Well, I don't know what I'll do. But it  _ will _ be terrible.”

“Something, come on, you've got to have something!” Fingers tracing along the sealed hatch, Eiffel searched for what very well may have been the hundredth time for an opening.

“Oh yes, that's me, always carrying around high density explosives. ‘Hey, Jacobi, we're in a pinch, any chance you've got some mercury fulminate?’”

“But do you?” 

“Not this time. You're on your own to Wile E Coyote your way out of this.” Reclined back, Jacobi kept his voice at the same monotone it'd been for the past hour. 

“And, what? You're content to just SIT there?” 

“No, Doug. I'm content to trust my crew will be competent enough to get me out.” Tugging his outer shirt off, he tied it into a sleep mask of sorts, covering his eyes, before resting his hands on his stomach in an absolutely infuriating display of relaxation. “Sorry you wouldn't understand.” 

“Oh, really? And how long do you think it'll take Kepler to notice his lap-dog's gone Homeward Bound? An hour? Maybe two? Are we certain it's BEFORE we starve to death?” Teeth grit, Eiffel pounded on the hatch once more. “HERA! HEY, HERA!” 

“She can't hear-a you. Total blackout. I told you. Or do you need me to go over it again for the seventh- no, wait- eighth time?”

“It can't be a total blackout.” If he wasn't careful, he'd pop a molar. “The lights are still on. If it was total-”

“Different systems. The external modules-”

“You think I don't know that? Do you really think- Oh, Jacobi, please help! I need someone to explain to me how comms work, because I am just SO inept, and the big, big ship is just SO scary-”

“At least you can finally admit it.”

“I will crush you!” Ripping the shirt off Jacobi's eyes, Eiffel pointed at him menacingly. 

“Look, OFFICER Eiffel,” roughly, Jacobi snatched his shirt back. “I'm SORRY that you got us stuck in this mess, but so long as we're STUCK, I don't intend on listening to your whining-” 

“I got us stuck?” Refusing to relinquish his grip, Eiffel tugged it back towards himself. “How exactly is this MY fault?”

“So glad you asked!” Teeth grit as well, Jacobi braced his feet against the wall on either side of Eiffel as he pulled. “You see, the way I remember it, everything was going well until a BUMBLING EXCUSE of a PERSON came along and got in the way!” 

“At least we can agree on that, though I'd never go so far as to call you a person!” Practically snarling, Eiffel quietly hoped they would rip the seams. Jacobi deserved to have his clothes ruined. 

“Cruel words, Doug. Say, this isn't the first time you've been trapped like this, right? Gee, I wonder what the common denominator could be!”

“Oh, yes! Real simple!” He yanked hard. “Because EVERYTHING is always SO SIMPLE on the U.S.S. CATASTROPHE!” 

“Harsh way to refer to yourself, but if the boot fits-” 

“Now you're just stealing my jokes!”

“You WISH you were funny enough to have your jokes stolen! Now let GO!”

“YOU let go!” 

“You know what?” Dropping the shirt, Jacobi watched with no small amount of amusement as Doug smacked into the wall. 

“You absolute- Just- You stay on that side! So long as we're going to be Five Characters in Search of an Exit, I don't want to hear another word from you!”

“Fine by me!” Throwing his hands in the air, Jacobi aggressively resettled himself into an only vaguely comfortable position. Crossing his arms tightly, he told himself the harsh lights didn't bother him; it wouldn't be long now. They would notice soon, and once they did, he'd be sure to give Maxwell hell for leaving him in such dire straits. 

  
  
  


“Do you have to hum?”

“I'm not humming.”

“Whatever that sound is, then. Do you have to make it?”

“Breathing? Are you referring to my breathing?” 

“Do you have to do it?”

“Oh geez, sorry!” Gesturing towards himself, Eiffel discovered a new, previously untapped level of sarcasm. “I forgot! You see, us PEOPLE have to do this ANNOYING thing called RESPIRATION-” 

Groaning, Jacobi rubbed at his eyes with his hands. “Fine, fine! Whatever. Can you at least give me my shirt back? It's bad enough dealing with the lights, I don't want to have to see  _ and _ hear you.”

“Just for that, no.”

“Eiffel, I  _ will  _ kill you.”

“Over my dead body!”

“My point exactly. Now stop being weird and give me my shirt!”

“You want it? Huh? You want this?” Shaking the button-up triumphantly, Eiffel opened his eyes wide in mock curiosity. “Is this what you want?” 

“Yes! It's mine. And if you're quite finished-” Jacobi reached for it, only for Eiffel to snatch it back.

“Nope, finders keepers!”

“You absolutely useless waste of rations,” Jacobi clenched his jaw. “When we get back onboard-” 

“What? You'll tell on me? Oh, I'm soooo scared!” Despite the sarcastic tone, there actually was a genuine level of fear in his gut. Kepler had that effect on people.

“I will make you regret the misfortune of your birth. Now. Give it here.” Coming closer to Eiffel, Jacobi made a half-hearted attempt to grab him by the collar. Pushing back, Doug managed to avoid him, but the space was only so big, and he only really succeeded in cornering himself. 

“You think you can just start barking orders at me?” Eiffel narrowed his eyes.

“I don't think I  _ can _ , I think I  _ do _ .”

“Well, not this time.”

“Watch yourself-” 

“No, you know what? I think I'll enjoy this moment of power.”

“What power?”

“I have the shirt.” Eiffel shook it. “I have the power.”

“Is that so?” Jacobi narrowed his eyes. “You're sounding dangerously mutinous, Officer Eiffel.”

“Until we're back onboard Comman- Lieutenant Minkowski's ship, I'm fully ready to Lord of the Flies your ass!” 

“Amazing,” Jacobi muttered. “Only took you two hours to go full feral. I wish I was more surprised. But the point remains.”

“What point?”

“I. Want. My. Shirt.’

“And what are you going to do about it?” 

“I'm going to give you one more warning before I suplux muscles you didn't even know you had.”

“You want to play dirty? Fine, I can play dirty!” Angrily, Eiffel began to unbutton the top of his coverall. 

“Well, that took a surprising turn,” Jacobi raised an eyebrow, taking a moment before shrugging. “Eh, it was inevitable, I guess. Alright, let's do this.” 

“Ha!” Triumphant, Eiffel struggled into Daniel's uniform shirt. “Try to get it now, sucker! I- What are you doing?” 

Jacobi paused, undershirt already over his head and halfway down his arms, “What are…  _ you _ doing?”

Both men stared at each other, trying not to move despite the inconvenient weightlessness. 

“I… asked you first.”

“No you didn't,” Jacobi shook his head.

“That's not- Wait, no, stop. Not this time- Your Jedi mind tricks aren't gonna work.”

“What mind tricks?”

“Why are you taking your shirt off?”

“Why are you putting my shirt ON?” 

“No, I'm not the one who's not making sense!” 

“I'm just saying, statistically, there  _ are _ two of us-”

“Yes.”

“-and two shirts being worn-”

“Alright.” 

“-and  _ I'm _ not the one wearing both of them.”

“Okay, see, now THERE'S the problem. Because you're not wearing EITHER of them!” 

“You have my shirt.”

“There are three shirts in this room.” 

“I'm not giving you my last shirt, you bastard!”

“Jacobi, just- Put your clothes back on!”

“Gladly. May I have my shirt back?”

“Not this one!” 

“Why not?”

“Because I'm proving a point.”

“What point?”

“That I have the power!”

“Doug.”

“Jacobi.”

“You're embarrassing us both.”

“How am  _ I  _ the embarrassing one here?”

“It's so typically immature!”

“Oh,  _ I'm  _ the immature one?”

“Oh, 'I know you are but what am I?’ There's that renowned genius! How original!” 

“You're just jealous the shirt looks better on me!” 

“Is that the plan? You're going to steal my shirt to, what? Make your boyfriend jealous?”

“Hera's not my boyfriend!” 

“Oh? Wait-”

“I don't have a boyfriend, genius! So, ha!” 

“Well I could have guessed that.” Suddenly much more relaxed, Jacobi clicked his tongue. 

“Wait- No, that's not what- That's not how-” 

“Aaaand who's behind curtain number one? Why, it's the Leo constellation’s most eligible bachelor, Doug Eiffel!” Jacobi held a pretend microphone to his face. “Doug boasts an utter lack of self-awareness, ability to make any situation a disaster, and that's right, ladies and germs, he WILL talk through the  _ entire _ movie! Give us one of those famous one-liners, Doug!” 

Eiffel pushed his hand away roughly. “Hey! I will have you know that I am a goddamn CATCH!” 

“Are you though?” 

“Screw you!” 

“You wish you could be so lucky!” 

“Oh, please! I wouldn't wish that on even Hilbert!” 

“At least HE wouldn't spend so much time being a miserably awkward excuse of a cellmate!” 

“You know what? I'm going to say it.” Poking a finger into Jacobi's very naked chest, Eiffel fixed his other hand into a fist. “I'd rather be trapped with the man who made me a human pincushion than spend another moment with you!”

“The feeling is mutual!” 

“Then put your clothes back on!”

“Give me my shirt back!”

“Never!” 

“I'm NOT having sex with you, Eiffel!”

“Literally NO ONE asked you to!” 

Seething breathlessly, Eiffel glared at him, Jacobi just as earnestly glaring back. 

“Fine. Just… Give me my shirt.”

“Fine!” Grabbing the collar, Eiffel began to yank the shirt over his head before abruptly pausing.

“Any day now, Doug!”

“I can't.”

“Oh for the love of-”

“It's stuck.”

Jacobi paused. “What do you mean, stuck?”

“I mean I'm such a freaking beefcake I make your scrawny ass look like Bruce Banner, now please, a little help and a whole lot less snark would be appreciated.”

Pausing, Jacobi gave himself a moment to float back, glancing up and down Eiffel's body without the threat of being caught 

“Can't do much about the snark, but,” Jacobi sighed, “I am interested in getting my clothes back before they start to smell.”

“Ha ha. Very funny. Now get me out!”

“Hold still,” grasping at the fabric, Jacobi began to yank it upwards. “Ugh, it's probably all stretched out now.”

“Careful!” Eiffel kicked back, struggling. 

“Roger that,” Grabbing his wrist, Jacobi tugged Eiffel's arm out of the sleeve.

“Wait- You're not taking both, no way!” Free hand scrambling, Eiffel tugged at his own shirt, tangled up in the mess.

“I don't want your stupid shirt! And for the love of GOD, please tell me it didn't start out white.”

“Very funny! Just a king of comedy! It's  _ supposed _ to be grey! I think.” 

“Well  _ I _ think your big head is proving ONCE AGAIN just how capable you are at causing problems!” Grunting, Jacobi pulled. 

“Oh,  _ sure _ , everything is ALWAYS- ow! -Eiffel's fault! Heaven forbid anyone take responsibility for their actions on this ship!”

“I said, hold STILL!” With a final tug, Jacobi freed him. 

Blinking, Eiffel rubbed a red spot on the back of his neck. “Finally! Now if you don't mind-” 

“Oh no!” Jacobi held his hand out of reach. “Now the tables have turned and  _ I  _ have the power!”

“I TOLD you the shirt meant something!”

“It does indeed!”

“Give it back!”

“I'd sooner die!”

“Fine! See if I care! I'll have you know, I am an EXPERT in being inappropriately casual dressed!” Tying the loose arms of his coverall around his waist, Eiffel gestured towards himself grandly. “As a matter of fact, I might just enjoy it! This is something I could get USED to! Who knows?” 

“Are you threatening me?” Jacobi narrowed his eyes. 

“ _ Am _ I?” 

“ _ Are _ you?” 

“I don't have to be! You can make all this stop, right now. Believe me when I say it would  _ not  _ be the first time I got naked to prove a point!”

Pondering for a moment, Jacobi relaxed back, crossing his leg over his knee. “Go ahead.”

“Do you think I'm bluffing?”

“Can't tell.” Shrugging, he laced his fingers behind his head.

“I'm not!”

“Okay.”

“Last chance!” 

“We've got time to kill. Why not? I've certainly seen a lot worse over a lot less. Go ahead. Give me a show, radio star.”

Eiffel grit his teeth. “Yep. Gonna do it. I am totally… going… to do this. You're going to regret it.”

Faking a yawn, Jacobi shrugged. “Need some help there? You seem stuck. In a different way, this time.” 

“You don't think I will.” 

Sighing, Jacobi clicked his tongue. “You really slept through the lesson on threats, didn't you?”

“Jacobi-” 

“You know the phrase ‘don’t threaten me with a good time’ is meant to be facetious, right?”

Eiffel squinted at him suspiciously. “Okay, just because I don't know  _ how  _ you're making fun of me doesn't mean I can't tell it's happening.” 

“Not making fun.” 

“Oh? You expect me to believe that?”

“Like I said,” Righting himself, he grasped the ends of the loose sleeves about Eiffel's waist, tugging him forward. “A lot worse over a lot less.” 

“Woah there, I didn’t mean-” Eiffel quickly began to backpedal. 

“I know what you meant.”

“Jacobi-”

“Doug.”

“I was just trying to prove a point.” He could almost feel his body flaring up, wished more than ever that he could just disappear. Well… Maybe not  _ ever _ , but it was at least in the top ten since boarding this station.

“Oh yes? And what point was that?” Jacobi leaned in, voice dropping low. “It’s like you said, people on this station need to start taking responsibility for their actions.”

“What actions?”

“You’re not sneaky, Doug.”

“Sneaky? What do I have to be sneaky about?” His voice strained.

“That's the question.” Jacobi sighed, giving Eiffel's bare upper body a slow once-over. “It’s nothing to be ashamed about. Hell, it'd be concerning if you  _ weren't  _ attracted to my roguish charm.”

“Woah woahwoahwoah- Who said  _ anything  _ about- No! I didn't-” 

“Eiffel.” Jacobi gestured at his own mostly-naked body, cocking an eyebrow. “Are you serious?”

“Okay, well- Even assuming… all things assumed, what are you getting at?” Eiffel hoped his voice sounded much more collected than it felt. 

“Look at it this way; until further notice, we're on mandatory vacation. Nothing but time. Truly, we've got little else at our disposal  _ besides _ time. So we can either bitterly stare at each other for the next however-long, pretending to be stupid, even by your standards, or…” Jacobi shrugged. “We can see how creative you can get with your… threats.”

Eiffel narrowed his eyes. “And what? I'm supposed to pretend you're not a colossal jerk?” 

“Unless you’re into that. Don't get me wrong, you're by no means the most attractive man I've ever met-”

“Gee, thanks.”

“-but I wasn't lying when I called you the most eligible bachelor up here. So what do you say?” 

“Are you kidding me? Just like that,” Eiffel snapped his fingers incredulously, “you expect me to be your freaking boyfriend?” 

“God, no,” Jacobi laughed. “But the comms are down, we've got nothing else to do for the next  _ however _ long, and I have a sneaking suspicion you're not getting this offer from anyone else. You've been up here… How long now? Two years? Three? Must get lonely.” 

Tightening his jaw, Eiffel let out a slow breath. 

“Fine. But this is a one-time thing.”

“Of course.”

“And no tongue!” 

“I wouldn't dream of it.” Jacobi smirked as, without looking down, he undid the knot at Eiffel's waist.

“Woah, there pal,” Eiffel braced his hands against Jacobi's shoulders, holding him back. “Give a guy a moment! Not all of us are show-ers-” 

Jacobi rolled his eyes. “Zero gravity. Everything's easier if you have something to hold on to.” Wrapping the empty sleeves through his fists, he pulled Eiffel against him with a snap, just barely covering the hitch in his breath. 

“You've done this before?”

“I'm a hot commodity, Doug.”

Before Eiffel got the chance to ask any more questions, Jacobi was kissing him. There was actually a surprising lack of teeth involved. Taking his advice, Eiffel tentatively reached for Jacobi's face. Wrapping the fabric further in his hands, Jacobi pulled him tighter. 

As much as he hated to admit it, Jacobi was right; it  _ had  _ been a while. That cobbled together with the fact that a spaceship afforded one very little privacy had made things just that much more… well, unbearable. Letting go of Jacobi's face, Eiffel's hands fumbled for his belt. Tugging it open, he grabbed Jacobi by the belt loops, pushing a thigh between his legs. He might not be in the running for many superlatives in this rotation's yearbook, but damn it if he wasn't going to get “best lay.” 

“Easy, Tiger,” Jacobi covered his groan with a grumble. “Like I said, plenty of-”

“Shut up. For real this time.” Still holding Jacobi by a belt loop, Eiffel grabbed ahold of a handle by the hatch, stabilizing them.

“You're really choosing  _ now _ to start giving orders?” Jacobi smiled, amused, the look flickering away quickly as his back hit the wall with a thud. Kissing him again, Eiffel pushed his hand against Jacobi's waist, pinning him to the door. Involuntarily groaning into the kiss, Daniel gripped Eiffel's face, shuddering as he pressed a thigh between his legs. “I still outrank you,” he muttered. 

Hand circling behind him, Eiffel rocked his hips forwards, breath catching as he did so. Grasping the handle as well, Jacobi tangled his free hand into Eiffel's hair, kissing him more urgently now. Letting go of the wall, Eiffel held Jacobi by the waist, pressing up against him. With a groan, he opened his mouth, gasping against Jacobi's lips.

“I thought you said no tongue?”

“I thought you said you didn't want to screw me.” 

“Touché.” 

Pushing Jacobi firmly against the wall, Eiffel kissed him roughly, not at all caring that he might nick him with his teeth. In fact, he kind of hoped he would; it would serve him right. He brushed his hands over Jacobi's lower abdomen, taking in the softness of bare skin. Lowering himself, Eiffel kissed along his collarbone hungrily. He half-expected some kind of warning, but Jacobi just gasped, the sound nearly becoming a growl as Eiffel licked the bruise he left behind. Starting another, he grazed his fingers over Jacobi's thigh, dragging his nails against the material. Tracing up and in, he took his time, made sure Daniel had to wait. Sure enough, it wasn’t long before he heard him grumble impatiently above him.

“Something wrong?” Eiffel nipped him with his teeth again, free hand coming up until his thumb was brushing over his nipple. Jacobi inhaled sharply through his teeth. 

“Officer Eiffel, as your superior I am ordering you to cut the crap.” 

“Geez, no such thing as manners anymore?” Genuinely miffed, but still more distracted than irritated, he drew his hand up until he was cupping Jacobi through his pants. Breath becoming a hiss, Jacobi let out a low groan as Eiffel began to rub at him slowly, thumb still teasing his chest. 

“Is that a stick of dynamite in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” Eiffel smiled mischievously, kissing his bare skin. 

“Eiffel-” 

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Slow and painful death.” 

Grip tightening on the door handle, Jacobi bucked his hips upwards, trying to build the friction. Undoing the buttons, Eiffel took his hands away only long enough to tug Jacobi's pants over his hips, and then he was reaching down the front, stroking him through his briefs. 

Tugging Eiffel upwards by the hair, Jacobi inhaled deeply as he pressed their lips together. Hooking his fingers through the belt loops again, Eiffel tugged his pants downward, Jacobi kicking them off a little easier than might be expected. Relaxing his jaw, he parted his lips, moaning as Eiffel cruelly continued to rub at him in infuriatingly careful strokes. Pausing, as if suddenly realizing who they were and what they were doing, Eiffel slowed. Tightening his grip in his hair, Jacobi tilted Eiffel’s face back, fully embracing the remission of the “no tongue” rule. 

Groaning, Eiffel grasped him beneath his thigh, pressing him backwards firmly, hoisting him up so that he rested between his legs. Egging him further, Daniel bit into his lower lip, tugging it between his teeth.

“Careful,” Doug hissed, pulling back. Using the back of his hand to wipe a spot of blood away, he furrowed his brow.

“You’ll survive.”

“I’ll tell Maxwell you trapped us on purpose for the sole point of seducing me.”

“And by that, I meant-  _ Gee, sorry, Doug! _ ” 

“It’s Eiffel. Don’t get weirdly personal.”

“No can do, Dougie-boy.” His sarcasm was broken off with a gasp as Eiffel grasped his ass, bucking up against him with a groan. Knuckles going white with the effort of keeping himself in place, Jacobi tightened his legs around Eiffel’s sides, breath hissing as he tried to grind back down against him.

Fully panting now, Eiffel rested his forehead against Jacobi’s chest, fingers digging into him as they dry-humped like clumsy teenagers in a Wendy’s parking lot. He could feel the stiff pressure of Eiffel’s erection pushing against him, the wait becoming nigh unbearable. 

“So- You show me yours, I’ll show you mine?” Still managing snideness despite his inability to catch his breath, Jacobi groaned. 

“You really wanna open that box, Pandora?” 

“Given half a chance, I would blow the lid to smithereens,” he muttered from between his teeth. Pressing another toothy kiss to his chest, Eiffel took his damn time running his fingers up Jacobi’s thighs and over his hips, before finally tucking his fingers into the waist of his briefs, pulling them off.

Of all the things Jacobi had expected to discover this far from Earth, the sensation of a sub-par communications officer holding his dick had not been one of them, and yet, it somehow shot its way right up to the top of Jacobi’s “Top Twenty Moments on the Hephaestus” mental catalogue. Stroking him in slow, even movements, Eiffel took him into his hand, pumping him a few times before frowning. 

“Seeing as you didn’t think to bring explosives, I don’t suppose you happened to pack any lube?”

Sighing, Jacobi just barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “No, Doug. I did not.”

“Lotion? Vaseline? Anything?”

“Nope, no, and nada.”

“And what are the… mechanics… of space?”

“Excuse me?” 

“You know- The… mechanics. With zero gravity and all that?”

“You- You really want me to explain  _ space _ to you, while my dick is in your hand?” Jacobi looked at him incredulously.

“No! Only, just- Ah, screw it. Clean-up is going to be a bitch either way.” 

Before Jacobi got a chance to ask him what he meant by that, Eiffel was already pushing him to the wall by his hips, taking him entirely into his mouth. Audibly gasping, Jacobi locked his arms, hand shaking against Eiffel’s scalp. Bobbing his head a few times before pulling back, Eiffel resumed pumping him slowly. Evidently pleased with the new lubrication, he pulled himself up, settling between Jacobi’s legs again. 

“Much better,” he sighed, teeth nipping at Jacobi’s chest. Groaning, Jacobi breathed out slowly.

“Damn it, Eiffel. Give a guy some warning.” 

Craning his neck upwards again, Eiffel kissed him, his moan a low rumbling that Jacobi could feel echo in his chest. Slowly, Eiffel began to roll his hips again, gasping in time with his strokes. 

“Take the damn pants off already,” Jacobi grit the words out as Eiffel panted against his lips. Fumbling, trying not to disrupt the tension, Eiffel uncoordinatedly managed to wriggle his jumpsuit at least down, if not off. With a sigh of relief, he dug his fingers into Jacobi’s hips once more, pressing up against him. Struggling, Jacobi grappled with the handle, trying to find a way to free a hand and still manage to keep them both steady. Grabbing the hatch, Eiffel braced himself, other hand still busy with Jacobi’s erection. Pushing against the wall with his shoulders, Daniel tilted Eiffel’s head to the side, licking up his jaw towards his ear as he reached between them. Shuddering, Eiffel struggled to keep his pace, breath catching as Jacobi touched him. 

“Don't distract me.” Pushing a knee up, Eiffel scooted Jacobi back into place, letting go of the hatch to instead tangle his hand into his hair. Grabbing at the wall behind him, Jacobi anchored them in place once more, putting on a good show of annoyance as he did so.

“Distract you? Far be it from me to take the venerable Doug Eiffel away from his-” His words cut off with a gasp that became a moan as Eiffel kissed him, panting against his open lips as he bucked against him once more. 

Eiffel forced himself not to speed up, wanted to torture the living hell out of this man while he could. He felt his tongue graze Jacobi's, darting against his lips but not committing. 

“Come on, Doug,” Jacobi murmured directly into his mouth, eyes lidded as he watched. Holding a juncture of panel above his head, Jacobi arched his back, making a goddamn production of himself. It worked, of course, Eiffel groaning at the very wonderful pressure. “Are you going to kiss me like a man or do I need to get Hilbert out here?” 

“You're not funny.”

“I actually find myself hilarious.”

“You're the only one.” 

“Go on, then. You know how to make me quiet.” Tightening his thighs against Eiffel's hips, he curled his back in, moaning dramatically as he did so. Just because it was an act didn't make it any less obscene, and when Jacobi winked one eye open to observe his successes, it burned somewhere deep in Eiffel's chest. 

Fingers taut in the hair at the nape of Jacobi's neck, Eiffel pulled his head back, kissed him until he was certain he had moaned out the entirety of his breath. Stroking him more quickly now, Eiffel relished in just how fucking noisy Jacobi could be. Not that he ever shut up, but it was infinitely better than bitten pillows and guilt over missing minutes of sleep. It was fun, even- knowing that this strange detonator of a man could be persuaded to unwind like this. Practically bent entirely around Jacobi, Eiffel felt him struggle for breath, still groaning as he did so. Tongue deep in his mouth, Eiffel kissed him as if digging to find a soul in there somewhere.

As his muffled groans picked up in urgency, Jacobi stiffened beneath him, legs tight as he pressed further into their entanglement, as if there was any space left untaken. Letting go of Jacobi's hair, Eiffel raked his hand down his back, wanting him closer, damning the fact that lube wasn't considered an essential part of emergency kits. Groaning, Jacobi arched up with a hiss of breath, tongue stilling as he shook. 

“Eiffel- The shirt-” 

“Seriously? You're seriously still stuck on that? I understand stubbornness, but this is-”

“No, you-” His voice broke, shuddering, “-idiot. The shirt- I'm-” gasping again, he pressed his arms to the side of his head, entire body shaking. 

“Oh!” Letting go of Jacobi's dick long enough to grab his free-floating shirt from the air, Eiffel tucked it between them. As Jacobi moaned, Eiffel kissed the juncture beneath his jaw, sliding his tongue along the skin slowly. Every inch of Jacobi seemed to be, well,  _ alive _ , sweating and pounding, breathless as he made an astounding attempt to keep himself in place. It was inspiring, really; no wonder Kepler liked him so much. 

“Doug-” Gritting his name out, Jacobi grew dangerously close to whining. “I'm almost-”

Nipping his throat lightly, Eiffel continued to kiss down his neck towards his chest, fingers digging into Jacobi's back. Sucking a new bruise into his skin, Eiffel fought to keep his pace steady, slowly grinding against Jacobi's thigh in sheer desperation. 

“Shirt! Shirtshirtshirtshirt-” Voice becoming a buzz, Jacobi crumpled as Eiffel covered him, still stroking him through the rough cotton. Gasping, Jacobi closed his eyes, eyelids becoming a night sky of distant stars. Snapping him back against him, Doug refused to stop grinding against him, quickly stifling his moan with his tongue. Jacobi briefly wondered what it would be like to kiss him on earth, if it would taste the same. Probably not. 

In any case, he came much harder than he thought he would, somehow having been tricked into making a pathetic display of himself for a man who was, honestly, way below him. He wasn't entirely sure how this tee-ball player managed to get one over in the major leagues, but  _ dammit _ if it wasn't hot. 

Still pumping him, albeit slower, Doug traced his hand over his side, gripping his leg and pulling it up so that it hitched against his waist. When Jacobi tried to pull back with a sigh, fully spent, Doug followed him, refusing to end the kiss. 

Groaning, Jacobi gripped Eiffel's wrist, pulling it away and shakily placing it against the juncture he had been using to keep them in place. 

“Alright, radio star,” he mused, nipping Eiffel's tongue as he spoke. Combing both hands into Eiffel's hair, he let his arms relax with a sigh. “Not bad, not bad.” 

Leaning forward, Doug kissed him again, pinning Jacobi to the wall once more. Grip tightening in his hair, Jacobi let himself be kissed, taking a full inventory of his muscles as he relaxed them one by one, ending with his hands. As Jacobi's fingers relaxed, Eiffel pulled back just far enough to breath, lips still touching his, however slightly. 

“A gentleman, to be sure,” Jacobi muttered. Taking Eiffel's free hand from behind his back, he lifted it, pressing it firmly to the side of his head. “But let's see if we can't fix that, yes?” 

Letting go, Jacobi reached down, gripping Eiffel by the hips, lowering himself. Breath still ragged, Eiffel watched him, tense, as Jacobi gripped the jumpsuit still bundled about his thighs, tugging his hips forward. Leaning in, Jacobi pressed a trail of kisses along Eiffel's abdomen, listening to him groan as he did so. 

“Relax. And that's a command.” Muttering against his skin, Jacobi nipped him with his teeth. Eiffel's fist tightened in his hair, involuntarily tugging him closer with a snap. Jacobi smirked, digging his own fingers in as he continued down. “Not so talkative now, are we?” 

“Jacobi-”

“That's MISTER Jacobi to you.”

“Jacobi, don't- Ah- Do you-” 

“Do I what, Eiffel?”

“Nothing. Nevermind.” Flushing a charming red, Eiffel bit his lip to muffle a groan as Jacobi pressed a lingering kiss to the base of his shaft. 

“Have I  _ really  _ found a way to get you quiet? Someone call the medical journals.” Jacobi smiled as Eiffel tugged his head to the side with a particularly strong twitch. 

“Excuse  _ me _ ; who knew the  _ communications  _ officer would have to actually-” Eiffel gasped as Jacobi pulled the tip into his mouth, moaning unnecessarily as he did so. Bobbing his head down only a bit, he pulled back, pressing another long kiss to the shaft. 

“Well, at least we found one job you're good at.”

“You like that, you should see the rest of my portfolio,” Eiffel grit the words out with much effort.

“Is that an invitation, Officer Eiffel?”

“Depends.”

“On what?”

“How good you are at  _ your _ job.”

“Oh, I can assure you, my skills are,” he paused, dragging his tongue along the length, “sublime.”

“A lot of talking, not a lot of showing.” 

“I'll consider it,” Jacobi continued on as if uninterrupted. “Though I must admit, I am partial to the idea of watching you beg me to fuck you every time you can slink away long enough.” 

“Oh, please,” Eiffel scoffed, amused. “Just because there are limited resources doesn't mean I'm going to let any twink west of the sunset take a joyride.” 

“Hey! I'm not a  _ twink _ ,” Jacobi looked up, offended. 

“Alright, sure.” Eiffel chuckled. 

“I'm serious!” 

“Sure, sure. Whatever you say.” 

“No- That's not- What kind of-” 

“Hey, no worries! No worries. I'll still consider letting you ride the Doug Eiffel express.” 

“I literally hate you so much.”

“Bold words for a man who just used the words 'beg’ and 'fuck’ in the same sentence.”

“Bold words for a man whose dick is next to my teeth.” 

“I see your point. And speaking of which…” Still gripping Jacobi's hair, Eiffel nudged him downwards.

“Whatever it takes to make you shut up,” Jacobi muttered, taking him into his mouth once again. 

If Eiffel had a reply, it was quickly lost to the sensation of Jacobi's lips sliding nearly entirely down his erection. Gasping, he twisted his fist, knuckles on the hand grasping the consul going white. Eyes squinted shut, Jacobi pulled back, tongue pressed firm against him. Groaning, Eiffel pulled his knees up, head going entirely to static. Thumbs digging in, Jacobi elbowed Eiffel's legs out of the way, bobbing down once more. 

It was insane, really, the way a man who seemed to be made up entirely of loose morals and crazy glue managed to be one of the hottest people he had ever met, and Doug hated him for that. Even in a moment of nigh-unbearable intimacy, he had to question whether calling him by his first name would be too personal. Deciding that it was, Eiffel settled on just groaning in normal, nameless frustration. Pulling Eiffel towards him, Jacobi choked a moment, breathing in harshly. For a second, Eiffel considered pushing him off for his own good, fully convinced that Jacobi's pride could and would kill him, but then he was moaning, his mouth all wetness and warmth, and Eiffel found himself tugging him closer. 

Swallowing around him, Jacobi groaned, pulling back slowly with an unnecessarily noisy pop. Grasping him in his warm hand, he began to pump him steadily, lips drawing over the tip once more.

“Jacobi-” Eiffel groaned his name, voice caught in the back of his throat.

“Quiet, Eiffel,” Jacobi muttered, letting his teeth graze against his skin.

“No, it's- I'm-” 

“You close?” He looked up with a detached interest. Whining, Eiffel turned his fist, tugging Jacobi's head down again. “Alright. Hold on to something.” 

Eiffel was going to point out that he was already holding onto  _ two  _ things, but then Jacobi renewed his grip, and in one solid movement, pulled him entirely into his mouth. Gasping, Eiffel fumbled, hand shaking as he involuntarily bucked. Holding him taut, Jacobi swallowed around him, moaning as if nothing made him happier than choking on Doug's dick. Twitching still, he groaned, openly moaning as Jacobi held him steadily, moving up and down over him. Clenching his eyes shut, Eiffel imagined biting into the back of Jacobi's neck, holding him up by the waist as he fucked him into the bunk. He imagined covering Jacobi's mouth to try to keep them from being caught, how intensely  _ nice  _ it would feel, now that he knew Jacobi was apparently built to withstand wear and tear. He wondered if Kepler knew that about him, if that was part of what made him such a good member to have on the team. In any case, back in the present Jacobi had both hands digging into Eiffel's hips, a whine building in his throat as he passively held himself in place so that Eiffel could thrust hard into him. With a final, staggering cry, Eiffel finished, a tidal wave of relief that nearly knocked him out of his body. Eventually, the glowing spasms having subsided, he relaxed his grip on Jacobi's hair, who pulled back with a wet sound. Wiping the corners of his mouth, Jacobi nodded. 

“Alright. Good show.” 

Too exhausted for more nonsense, Eiffel simply grunted, unsure if the weightlessness he was feeling was residual, or, well, the actual weightlessness. 

“See? Not all of my plans are completely dastardly.” Grabing at the veritable closet floating around them, Jacobi picked out his clothes.

Sighing, Eiffel ran his hands through his hair, not committing to opening his eyes just yet. “I'd say that was pretty dastardly.”

“Oh, boo boo,” Jacobi struggled into his pants. “You got your dick sucked. Absolutely terrible of me.” 

Groaning exhaustedly, Eiffel started pulling his jumpsuit up, working his way slowly. “Well, you  _ did  _ manage to ruin one of my shirts for me forever.”

“And good riddance.” Jacobi nodded sagely. “Even you can do a lot better than that.”

“Yeah, well,” Eiffel tucked the soiled tee into his pocket, “you can say that about a lot of things I've done today.” 

Jacobi narrowed his eyes, ready for another fight, but then Eiffel was running his hands up beneath his undershirt and over his chest, kissing his swollen, and probably bruised, lips. Grabbing him by the collar, Jacobi pressed their faces together, breathing in slowly. 

“Well, you're free to come sneaking around my bunk anytime, Douglas. Especially if you know how to handle that weapon you're packing.” 

“Again, with the names.” Eiffel's protest was cut off with another kiss, Jacobi catching his lip between his teeth and pulling. 

  
  
  



End file.
